Because I got high!
by WatchTheSkyBleed
Summary: AU - After Ichigo's Co-worker Nel, asks him to keep hold of something she found at the office for a while, Ichigo begrudgingly accepts, not realizing what the all too hilarious consequences of his decision will be! Contains mentions of Yaoi, swearing and drug use.
1. Chapter 1

Ichigo sits across from his best friend and co-worker, Nel, cradling a cup of coffee in his hands as they discuss the latest juicy bits of gossip from the office.

"Oh my god, did you hear about what happened at the Christmas party though? It sucks you couldn't be there Ichigo!"

Ichigo sips at his coffee, nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, it would've been fun, but I had to go with Grimmjow to visit his parents. What happened?"

Nel snickers, clasping her hands together gleefully.

"Well, I heard that Rukia and Renji hooked up in the janitors closet!"

Ichigo raises an eyebrow.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah!"

"Well if you ask me, it's about freakin time. All they used to do was ogle each other from different ends of the office."

Nel looks around her cautiously, even though she know's it's only her and Ichigo in the apartment, since Grimmjow's still at work.

"Oh, you know they promoted me to assistant manager, right?"

Ichigo smiles.

"Yeah, congratulations on that by the way."

"Thanks! But, I found something in one of the cupboards at work, and I have to find out who it belongs too."

"Found what?"

Nel reaches into her leather handbag, producing a bottle of pills and handing them over to Ichigo.

Ichigo takes a good long look at them, before staring at Nel.

"Nel, this is LSD!"

"I know! Do you know whose it is?"

Ichigo shakes his head, turning the bottle over in his hand.

"No, I don't, sorry. It's not like someone is really going to own up to this though, are they?"

Nel sighs heavily.

"I guess not. Can I ask a favour?"

"Go ahead."

"Well, you know since I have a young toddler in the house and stuff, I was wondering if you could just keep hold of them for me, just for now I promise!"

Ichigo is quiet for a few moments, but then nods.

"Yeah, I'll put them away somewhere."

Nel grins widely and reaches forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and almost smothering him with her bossom.

"Oh thank you Ichi!"

"I told you not to call me that-"

"You're such a great friend!"

"I...fine okay."

* * *

After Nel headed home, Ichigo stashed the bottle in the back of the bathroom cabinet, out of sight.

He doesn't feel all that comfortable with drugs in his home, but he can understand why Nel asked him.

After all, god forbid her young son got his hands on them by accident.

Just as he shuts the medicine cabinet door, he hears the door to the apartment unlock.

Heading back into the living room, Ichigo spots Grimmjow, now flopped down on the leather couch, his blue tie loosened and his white shirt unbuttoned.

Ichigo chuckles, sitting down next to him.

"Rough day?"

Grimmjow grunts, nuzzling his face into Ichigo's neck.

"Damn right. You feel like making your boyfriend feel better?"

Ichigo rolls his eyes, weaving a hand through Grimmjow's tousled blue locks.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Not for food right now, stop bein a damn tease."

Grimmjow capture's Ichigo's lips in a rough and wet kiss, pausing to nip on the smaller male's bottom lip.

Ichigo sighs, before grasping Grimmjow firmly by the hand and tugging him toward's the master bedroom.

Grimmjow grunts but allows Ichigo to pull him.

"What's wrong with the couch?"

"You don't remember last time?"

"Oh yeah. Was worth it though."

"It wasn't worth six hundred dollars for a new couch, Grimm."

"Guess we'll have to agree to disagree."

* * *

A few hours later, having satisfied each other and eaten, they both cuddle up in front of the tv, watching an action film.

Grimmjow grumbles, setting down the large bowl of popcorn and rubbing his stomach.

Ichigo sits up from laying his head on his lap, staring up at him worriedly.

"You okay, Grimm?"

"Stomach ache. We got anything in for that?"

Ichigo scratches his head.

"I'm not sure, if there is anything, it'll be in the medicine cabinet. Want me to go look?"

"Nah it's fine, I need the bathroom anyway."

Grimmjow heads into the bathroom, while Ichigo leans back and stuffs some more popcorn into his face, his eyes locked on the screen.

He registers Grimmjow coming back to sit next to him sometime later, but he doesn't pay much attention.

That is, until Grimmjow starts flinching, and scratching erratically behind his ear.

Ichigo turns his attention away from the movie, taking a good look at him.

Grimmjow's blue eyes are like saucers, as he continues to twitch and scratch.

"Uh, are you okay?"

Grimmjow turns to look at him, before suddenly jumping up from the couch, pointing a shaky finger at the corner of the room.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE!"

Ichigo looks at where Grimmjow is pointing, seeing nothing but the usual plant pot.

"What, the plant pot? It's always there."

"NO NO, THAT FUCKING HORSE!"

Ichigo's mouth gapes open.

"Grimmjow, there's no horse, what are you talking about?"

Grimmjow ignores him, sliding around the couch as Ichigo just watches him, before beginning to enthusiastically pet thin air.

"DUDE, THIS FUCKING HORSE IS PURPLE! OH MY GOD, WE NEED TO GET A ZEBRA IN HERE TOO, THEY CAN MAKE ZEHORSES!"

Ichigo pushes himself off the couch, his brown eyes wide.

"Grimmjow, are you on fucking drugs or something-"

And then, it hits him.

 _Shit, Shit!_

Ichigo grasps Grimmjow's chin, making him look him dead in the eye.

"Grimmjow, what did you take in the bathroom?"

Grimmjow hums, tapping his cheek with his finger.

"In the bathroom? I don't really think the Zehorse's will fit in the bathtub but I'm sure you know best babe!"

Ichigo curses.

"Damn it, no Grimmjow! Enough about fucking Zehorses! What medicine did you take?"

Grimmjow suddenly tackles Ichigo to the ground, who yelps.

"Grimmjow! What the-"

A large hand is placed over his mouth.

"SSHHH!"

Ichigo quirks an eyebrow up at him, bracing himself on his elbows.

Shoving away Grimmjow's hand, he glances over at where Grimmjow is now staring.

"What the hell is it now?"

"FUCKING SPIDERMAN!"

"WHAT?"

"HEY YA SPIDER BASTARD, STOP SHOOTIN THOSE FUCKIN WEBS AT ME!"

Grimmjow flails around, using the couch as a shield, before his eyes lock on the popcorn bowl.

Ichigo stays put, watching as Grimmjow begins to cackle wildly, throwing handfuls of popcorn at the empty space.

"YEAH HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, HUH? NOT SO TOUGH NOW ARE YA! PEW PEW!"

Ichigo sighs, running a hand over his face.

Grimmjow pauses his popcorn propelling, staring over at him.

"YOU NEED TO HELP ME ICHIGO, PROTECT THE PURPLE HORSE WHILE I KICK HIS ASS!"

Ichigo has no idea what to do, he's never had to handle anything like this.

Standing up, he latches onto the collar of Grimmjow's loose bed shirt, before dragging him into the bedroom.

"NO NO ICHIGO I WAS WINNING! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"YOU ARE GOING TO BED AND SLEEPING THIS OFF!"

Ichigo forcefully get's Grimmjow into the bed, who pouts at him like a defiant child, folding his arms across his chest.

"Grimmjow, lay down."

Grimmjow shakes his head and sticks out his tongue.

"No! You can't make me!"

"For the love of God, you're a grown man not a five year old!"

Ichigo tries to pry Grimmjow's arms away from his chest, but it's like trying to prise apart iron, so he gives up, throwing the blanket over him and going to the door.

"Now you stay in that bed and get some sleep, do you understand me?"

Grimmjow mumbles, turning away from Ichigo.

Ichigo leaves, shutting the bedroom door behind him.

He cleans up the popcorn embedded in the couch cushions and scattered all over the floor, and then sits back down to finish the movie.

His eyelids feeling heavy after a while, he falls asleep sprawled on the couch.

Which is probably the stupidest thing he's done all day.

* * *

 ** _Thump thump thump_**

Ichigo grumbles, hearing the heavy padding of someone running about on the wooden flooring behind the couch.

Rubbing at his tired eyes, he sits up.

His eyes nearly pop out of his head at the sight before him.

Grimmjow, now out of bed and dressed in his last year's Halloween batman costume and mask, is prancing around, waving an inflatable toy hammer that they won at a funfair.

Ichigo growls.

"GRIMMJOW, WHY ARE YOU OUT OF BED!"

Grimmjow points the hammer at him.

"CAUSE I'M BATMAN!" Grimmjow grunts in a deep gruff voice.

Ichigo frowns at Grimmjow's voice, before putting his head in his hands.

"My god, it's worse than looking after Nel's three year old."

"I AM VENGEANCE, I AM THE NIGHT, I AM BATMAN!"

Ichigo looks up from his hands.

"NO YOU'RE GRIMMJOW WHO'S HIGH ON LSD!"

"NUH UH, I'M BATMAN!"

Ichigo jumps up from the couch, and Grimmjow points the hammer at him warningly as he approaches him.

Ichigo holds out a hand.

" _Give_ me the hammer."

"NO, I NEED THIS TO PROTECT THE CITIZENS OF GOTHAM!"

"GRIMMJOW, GIVE ME THE FUCKIN HAMMER OR SO HELP ME-"

"I'M NOT GRIMMJOW, I'M BATMAN!"

"THAT'S IT!"

Ichigo grips onto the top of the hammer, before sinking his teeth into it.

The hammer begins to quickly deflate with a loud whining sound, and Grimmjow stares down at it sadly.

"Now, get your ass back in bed so you can sleep this stuff off!"

Grimmjow grumbles, tossing the deflated hammer too one side before racing over the couch, jumping onto it and raising an arm in front of himself.

"FINE, I DON'T NEED A HAMMER TO FIGHT INJUSTICE!"

Ichigo grits his teeth, before giving up and sitting down on the floor.

Nel is so gonna pay for this.

* * *

 **Random, but I got inspired XD this was really fun to write, so I hope people find it fun to read!**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Ahh...ugh...fuck..."

Ichigo almost laughs out loud as he leans against the bedroom doorway, staring over at the dining table.

Grimmjow, sat on one of the wooden chairs, his wild blue hair sticking up all over the place and only wearing a pair of loose grey sweatpants, is slumped face down on the table, grumbling to himself.

Ichigo chuckles to himself quietly, before stepping over barefooted to the kitchen, opening the fridge and getting some juice.

Grimmjow doesn't even have the energy to lift his head off the table to look at him.

And after the trouble he caused last night, Ichigo is all to ready to get his revenge.

Fixing himself some orange juice in a glass, he takes a seat next to Grimmjow at the table.

"Oh dear, you not feeling to well, _Batman_?"

Grimmjow growls against the table, raising and giving Ichigo the middle finger.

Ichigo laughs, reaching out and running a hand through Grimmjow's messy hair.

"Come on you need to get up now, I mean, who else is there to protect Gotham?"

"Ugh...shut the fuck up, Ichigo."

Ichigo trails his fingers down Grimmjow's arm.

"Aww okay then, no more teasing, for now at least."

Downing some of the orange juice, Ichigo grins evilly.

"Grimmjow?"

"What?"

"You do know Nel's bringing Leli around today for a few hours, don't you?"

Groaning, Grimmjow thumps his fist down on the table.

"Shit, my head already feels like someone bashed it in with a sledgehammer, can't the kid come some other time?"

"No, I promised Nel I'd look after her for a few hours while she had a rest."

"Fuck that, I'm going back to bed," Grimmjow grumbles, standing up and wobbling slightly, clutching his head.

Ichigo hides a smirk behind his hand, watching Grimmjow nearly go flying over the couch head first on his way back to the bedroom, then slamming the door shut behind him.

* * *

Rolling around in bed, Grimmjow cringes and pulls the covers tighter over his head.

"ISCHIGO, GIVE GIVE!"

"Leli, you have to ask nicely, remember?"

"ISCHIGOO!"

Grimmjow's head throbs at the loud screeching from the other room, gritting his teeth.

"Leli, put that down!"

"WEEEEEEEE!"

"Shit- I mean sugar! Leli put it down before you break it!"

Throwing the covers off, Grimmjow stares up at the ceiling as the screeching continues, his head still throbbing despite the painkillers he's taken.

A wave of embarrassment floods over him when he remembers flashbacks about last night, and he slaps a hand over his eyes.

The bedroom door to the room suddenly bursts open, a flustered Ichigo staring down at him.

"Grimmjow, I need your help for a bit."

"Ichigo, for fucks-"

"I know I know, I wouldn't ask if I didn't really need it. Please, I'll owe you one big time."

"Oh, you will, huh?" Grimmjow smirks.

Ichigo rolls his eyes, glancing back over his shoulder.

"Leli, no no don't throw food all over the furniture!"

Grimmjow pushes himself up from the bed with a heavy groan, running a hand through Ichigo's spiky locks when he reaches him.

"You definitely owe me one, strawberry."

Grimmjow sidles past him, Ichigo turning bright red.

"I told you not to call me that!"

"GRIMMY YAY!"

* * *

Ichigo pushes the bottle across the table.

"No, no way!"

Grimmjow smirks, pushing it back towards him.

"Yes way, you agreed I could have whatever I wanted if I helped you with the kid."

"I meant in the damn bedroom or something, not this!"

"Why, are you too _chicken_ , huh?"

"NO! I don't understand why you even want me to take one too!"

"I want to see your reaction, and I promise I'm not gonna let you dive out any windows or anything. Come on, just take one and stop being such a wimp."

Ichigo scowls, snatching the bottle and turning it over in his hands.

"I'm not being a wimp, this is fucking acid Grimmjow not weed! We shouldn't even still have these, if anyone found out we could get arrested."

"Stop stalling already, strawberry."

"Stop calling me that dammit!"

"Then just get on with it already," Grimmjow sighs irritably.

Ichigo decides to just bite the bullet, unscrewing the bottle and shoving a pill into his mouth, using a glass of water to get it down.

"There, happy now? See I'm totally fine."

"Dumb ass, you have to give it like twenty minutes for the effects to kick in, we'll see how fine you are then," Grimmjow smirks, watching as Ichigo groans and puts his head down on the table.

"I fucking hate you Grimmjow."

"I love you too."

* * *

 ** _It was at this point Grimmjow knew,_**

 _ **he fucked up.**_

Sticking his tongue out in deep concentration, Ichigo cackles manically, using his fingers to smear toothpaste and lotion all over the bathroom mirror.

This is gonna be a bitch to clean up in the morning, that's for sure.

Grimmjow stares at him from the doorway as Ichigo starts to gather up shampoo bottles from the shower rack.

"GRIMM I HAVE AN AWESOME IDEA, WE HAVE TO TRY THIS! I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF WE MIX ALL OF THESE FUNKY LIQUIDS TOGETHER AND THEN DRINK THEM? WE MIGHT BECOME UNICORNS! OH OH OR WE MIGHT BECOME WIZARDS!"

Grimmjow hurriedly takes the two bottles of shampoo out of Ichigo's clutches, holding them above his head and out of Ichigo's reach.

"No we won't, we'd fucking die you moron."

"PFFT, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE! GIVE THEM BACK YOU OLD GRUMP!"

Ichigo groans and gets on his tip toes, trying to reach the bottles.

"You won't reach them, I'm too tall for you berry," Grimmjow smirks, patting Ichigo on the head with his free hand.

"YOU'RE A BIG MEANIE! YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU!"

Before Grimmjow can stop him Ichigo darts like a rocket past him and into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Uh oh," Grimmjow mutters, throwing the bottles into the messy sink and racing over to the bedroom door, only to find he can't open it.

"ICHIGO OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR!"

"KISS MY ASS GRANDPA!"

Grimmjow growls, trying to twist the handle and push his weight against the door.

"What the hell, what did you put behind the door you little shit!"

 _ **THUMP BANG**_

"ICHIGO OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR OR I SWEAR I'M GONNA BREAK IT DOWN!"

 _ **CRASH**_

Backing up from the door, Grimmjow kicks it with all he has.

It doesn't break open, but his foot almost goes all the way through the damn door.

"GRIMM STOP IT YOU'RE MESSING THE APARTMENT UP YOU SILLY SOUR PUSS!"

Removing his foot from being wedged in the door, Grimmjow decides it's time to take a slightly different approach.

"Please let me in, Ichigo. If you do, we can do whatever you wanna do."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Grimmjow agrees.

"Well...okay, but you have to wait until I'm finished first," Ichigo giggles.

"Finished with what exactly..."

"You'll see!"

 _Oh no, not good._

Grimmjow slumps against the door, trying his best to be patient and hoping Ichigo is not doing something stupid in there.

"TA DA!"

Grimmjow's eyes widen as the door is tugged open, and he falls into the bedroom, his ass hitting the wooden floor with a hard thump.

"Shit! Ichigo you could at least have warned-"

Grimmjow stops, his mouth gaping open as soon as he see's Ichigo, now stood in front of him dressed in a full orange, furry cat costume, black whiskers and a nose badly drawn on with what Grimmjow can only assume is a black marker.

"Ichigo...what the...when the hell did you buy that suit?"

Ichigo tilts his head and purses his lips.

"Hmm, it was like a few days ago to go trick or treating with Nel and Leli this year, I'm gonna be the cutest kitty ever!"

Grimmjow shakes his head, getting back to his feet.

"Well, cutest kitty ever, get your ass back in the other room and-"

"NO THAT'S BORING! OH WAIT, I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA!"

Ichigo bounds past Grimmjow, who follows on his heel quickly this time.

Ichigo rushes into the kitchen area, throwing open the cupboards and starting to take out different piping tubes, which he usually just reserves for when he does baking.

Grimmjow watches him curiously, until Ichigo picks up a large blue one and uncaps it, squirting a bit into his mouth, then doing the same with the various other colours.

"Ichigo, what in the hell are you doing?"

"Umph...cn...tlk..." Ichigo mumbles with a mouthful of icing.

Grimmjow clamps a hand over Ichigo's open mouth.

"Swallow it all, right now."

Ichigo glares at him, but surprisingly does as he's told, and Grimmjow moves his hand.

He picks up a red piping tube and squirts a large dollop on his hand.

"SPLAT!"

Grimmjow sputters as red icing is smeared across his face, some of it getting in his mouth and up his nose.

"ARGH WHAT THE FUCK, STOP THAT!"

"NO, THIS IS WHAT SPOIL SPORTS GET!"

As Grimmjow tries to wipe the red mess off, he finds himself getting slapped and coated in more and more colours.

"Jeez you little brat, give me that!"

Grimmjow tries to get the current tube away from Ichigo, only to be met with a lot of resistance.

"Nuh uh, just let me paint you like one of my french girls!"

Grimmjow wipes a big sludge off his face and slaps it onto Ichigo's face, grinning evilly.

"All right then, but only if I get to paint you too!"

Grimmjow picks up a tube from the counter top and an epic icing battle commences, both of them ending up lathered in rainbow frosting and sticky as hell.

"Aww, we ran out," Ichigo whines, trying to feebly press some more out of the spent tubes.

Grimmjow cackles, wiping some from near his eyes and nose.

"Guess that means I win then."

"No!" Ichigo shouts, and he jumps on top of Grimmjow, sending them both crashing to the floor below.

"EWW YOU'RE SO STICKY GRIMM! GROSS!"

"That's your damn fault for pelting me with icing dumb ass," Grimmjow groans.

Ichigo leans down and licks at his cheek eagerly, causing Grimmjow to blush deeply.

"MMMM, it does taste good on you though Grimm," Ichigo grins, starting to nibble and lick at the others neck and jaw.

"Ah ah, Ichigo stop, I'm not taking advantage of a high cat!"

"Aww, why not?"

"Because-"

Suddenly the apartment door is thrown open, Nel staring down at the messy pair from the doorway.

"What the...what is going on in here?" Nel asks, her eyes almost popping out of her skull.

Grimmjow glances at Ichigo, then back at Nel.

"Uh..."

"NEL, YOU LOOK GRRREAT!" Ichigo chimes, and Nel narrows her eyes suspiciously.

"What's wrong with you, Ichigo? What did you do to him Grimmjow?"

"Me? Why does it have to be me?"

"BECAUSE IT ALWAYS IS, YOU'RE SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE! Poor Ichi!"

Ichigo purrs loudly, grinning up at her like an idiot.

"Aww, you're so so adorable Ichi! I could just eat you all up!" Nel giggles, running over and throwing her arms around him.

Grimmjow somehow manages to manoeuvre himself out from under the kitty and Nel, and stares down at the pair of them, shaking his head.

"Who's a good kitty hmm?" Nel asks, ruffling Ichigo spiky locks.

"I am I am!"

After slapping a hand over his face, Grimmjow loops an arm around Ichigo's waist and drags him back to his feet.

"Well it's bath time for me and the kitty, so unless you wanna stay and watch us Nel, out you go."

Nel pouts sadly, but gets up and walks over to the door.

"Oh wait, I totally forgot why I came back! I wanted those, um, well..."

"Wait right here," Grimmjow tells her, putting Ichigo down and quickly heading into the bathroom.

He brings out the pills and as good as shoves the bottle into her hand.

"Take them, take them far _far_ away," Grimmjow orders.

"Uh...sure..."

Ichigo whines, pawing at Nel's coat from the floor.

"Nooo, don't take them, I want another one gimme!"

"What do you mean another one?" Nel asks, shoving the pills into her purse.

"He's talking shit, he's just drunk, bye bye now!" Grimmjow quickly ushers her out the door, making sure to lock it behind her before breathing out a sigh of relief.

"Right, bath time for you."

Ichigo blows a raspberry at him, folding his arms across his chest as he sits on the floor.

"Get up."

"No!"

"UP!"

"NO, I DON'T WANNA!"

"Well, if you wanna do it the hard way little kitty," Grimmjow smirks, picking up the squealing Ichigo and throwing him over his shoulder and heading into the bathroom.

* * *

 **Wasn't planning on writing any more really, but what can I say, when I get the urge I get the urge XD**

 **Hope it was fun to read, I sure enjoyed writing it :)**


End file.
